Settle In For the Season

The wind is fiercely dancing past my windows as I sit to write this. The trees are barren after their final showing of life and vibrance. The ground is hardening, and winter, she is coming.

November always brings with it a certain feeling of settling, at least for us New Englanders. It’s time to cozy up our dens, build a fire, and hunker down for what is likely to be a long winter. At this time of year, it’s possibly to feel ok with that, especially if we have soaked in plenty of summer sun, and autumn warmth. We know that winter is just a season, and in time she will pass.

I’m settling in in many ways right now. Yes, the heat is turned on, soup is on my stove almost everyday, and my big comfy sweaters have made their way back into my closet. I’m ready for the time of year. But I’m also settling into a time of life, a season in itself. I’m finally settling into motherhood in a way that feels good, and right.

Let me explain…

After last year’s whirlwind of birthing a baby, and opening a new business, then slowly realizing that it all was too much… I’m taking a gentler approach. I’m (trying) (very hard) to let go of my ego, my need to be, and do, and achieve more. I’m letting myself adopt the mantra of “good, is good enough”. And in very practical matters, since I am unable to massage right now, I am taking a part-time job, at a nursery school.

In some ways this feel like a hundred steps back. Like something I would have done when I was in college, or high school, ┬ánot now with a bachelor’s degree, hundreds of hours in specialized training, and the experience of successfully being my own boss. But in other ways, this feels like a huge step forward, and a perfect place to be right now. It’s a good job, and good is good enough.

Right now my attention, my time, and energy, is flowing in all directions towards my family, and my own self care. I know that these early years of making, growing, and caring for babies are unique. I know that many women jump right back into their normal lives after having a baby, but I also know that many women face crippling health issues from burn out and exhaustion. I have been on the verge of these health issues due to my own ambition and drive, but I have finally given myself permission, and the necessary support, to stop.

Settling in carries with it a certain sadness. In November we in the northern hemisphere mourn the loss of our daylight, our warmth. As mothers we may mourn the loss of our former selves. The selves that could work a 10-hour a day job, and still have energy to exercise, go out with friends, and keep up with all of life’s demands. However we all must remember that this is just a season. This winter, this time of life, it will pass. How we spend it is what is of most importance. How we choose to play in this life is what really matters.

I’m choosing warm slippers, and cozy blankets, fires built, and soups cooked lovingly. I’m choosing self-care, and simplicity, work that is satisfying but not overly demanding, and time with my babies. I’m settling in, to enjoy all that I am blessed with. I hope that whatever season you are in, you are able to do the same.

family fox costume

Choices

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time. But I’m only now letting the words creep from my mind, to this page. Sometimes writing happens that way. Anyways, here goes…

We all have choices to make.

We have free will.

We have the ability to weigh a decision, weigh our circumstances, our intentions, our hopeful outcome, the risks that our hopes will not be actualized. We all make decisions based on where we are, and what we are dealing with, in the moment. This is good. But sometimes the choices we make need to change. Sometimes what works for awhile, and then doesn’t work anymore, needs to become the catalyst for a new choice.

As parents our choices seem to outnumber our thoughts. On a daily basis there are choices made that are too small for the eye to see. They way we answer a question, the face we make when something goes wrong, the tone we use when we address our partner after a long day, the soft touches, and kisses that let our people know they are loved. There are also the big ones, the decisions around what and how, we do what we do. The sleep arrangements, the food choices, the products consumed. The little choices are much like instinct, the bigger ones may be more thought out, but every choice made has the opportunity to be different, if we find that it no longer serves us. This is part of mindful, conscious, yogic parenting.

There are some choices that our little family has made that are under reflection right now. I don’t know what the outcome of this reflection will be, except that there may be some new choices made. Ultimately whatever we choose, we will remember that these decisions are not set in stone, they are not something we have to stick to, we will not be bad parents, or people, if we decide in a month, a week, a day, to make a different choice. We will be flexible. We will communicate. We will continue to reflect, and decide, choosing what we hope will keep our little family in balance.

That’s what is most important. Balance. And Trust. And Choice.

We are not perfect. We don’t strive to be. We do strive to be conscious, to be connected, to ourselves, and to each other. We do strive to create harmony, for all members of our small fold. We strive to create a life that is intentional, deliberate, chosen.

let your heart guide you